Slice of Life: Day 31--"Year 7: Check!"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

I've spent some time thinking back to the last 6 years of slicing...and I can honestly say this is the most unique year I've ever experienced. It almost doesn't feel real, this last day of slicing, because March 31st doesn't feel real. So many days, strung together in an endless blur, punctuated by the sunrise and sunset, but not much else that was defining.

I think every year has a "theme" for me...some years it's been about slicing with students, one year I was in the middle of moving, and this year...I just can't put my finger on it!

Weird?

Does weird describe what you've felt, too?

Weird, works for me, I think, because it describes both the emotions and events. And both have been, well, weird. And unpredictable. And sad. And scary.

I've felt so many feelings these last 4 weeks. When I look back over my slices, March started light, moved to fearful, then faux-positive as I tried to distract myself, and just went up and down from there.

And the events...ugh, the events that have literally left us with our mouths open in a gasp are horrifying. Events that will haunt us. Events we will strive to collectively recover from for years...a defining before and after moment in most of our lives. And our children's lives.

It's this "living in the house while building it" unsettled feeling that leaves me slicing nonsense here on the last day. My thoughts are everywhere, and I literally can't put a reflection on this year together.

So, I'm going end it here. It was fun. It was emotional. It was Slice of Life, year 7.

But, man, has it been weird.

Slice of Life: Day 30--"This day got me like..."

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

This day got me like a...

Stressed

Afraid

Sick-to-my-stomach

Bleary-eyed

Exhausted

Brave-faced

Still-smilin'

Faking-it-til-I-make-it

Crazy Lady.

Tomorrow will be better, right?

Right.

Slice of Life: Day 28--"Tornado Fear"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

I just saw the news from Jonesboro, Arkansas.

Tornado. Debris. Injuries.

Prayers.

As I watched footage tonight, that familiar springtime pit in my stomach started to grow. I love spring and a good rainstorm, but tornados....it's a different story.

My family lost their home in the Joplin, MO, 2011 tornado. Although I lived 8 hours away at the time and my family was fine, I wasn't. I'm not. I watched the news as I learned that my elementary school, high school, and everything within a mile radius of parents' home for 31 years was GONE. Literally gone.

I went home for Memorial Day weekend and walked streets that I couldn't recognize. I went to my neighborhood where I'd ridden bikes around the block as a child and could not find my way to my house. It was unreal.

So, tonight, my slice is a slice of my past that mixes in with my present on nights like this. As I strive to control my reactions to severe weather, I find that my eyes fill quickly with tears. I try to hide these emotions in public, but the truth is that I am petrified of it happening to anyone.

It's not the stuff you lose. It's the fight back.

I know what it feels like. I know the journey. I know what you battle with insurance companies. I know what it feels like to gather precious items scattered, knowing most of it's gone forever. I know what it looks like to see your parents' eyes become hollow and tired.

I know what those people in Jonesboro will face...added to a pandemic...and I'm just so sorry.

Spring is a little scary sometimes.

Slice of Life: Day 27--"Today in a Haiku"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

Lounging in a chair
Letting my brain rest---no screens!
Quarantine is tough

Slice of Life: Day 26--"One Little Word: Quarantine Edition"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

So....I always do my one little word at the beginning of the year, but quite frankly, it's just not working for me right now.

Unprecedented times call for...unprecedented one little word changes in the middle of March??!

So, my new word for now, until life returns to normal, until we get out of quarantine is...

INTENTIONAL.

This may seem really silly and overused, but honestly, I'm not that intentional in my normal life---or so I've discovered. Things that I've built in as habits fill my days. I've built my life intentionally, but this time of mix-up calls for serious INTENTION. Even things like when I wake up and go to bed are not intentional in my real life, because it just happens. It's required. It's my norm.

So, outside this norm, I've found some different ways to be intentional and prioritized day-by-day, not by the year, like I might do under normal circumstances. I'm on Spring Break right now, so this does not include work!

Here are my intentional ideas right now (subject to change as things change...):
wake-up at a consistent time
walk the dog
touch base with all family members via phone once a day
eat 3 meals
spend time offline or unplugged each day
be creative -- crafts, planning, etc.
do something productive -- chores, etc.
talk to a friend or connect with others
read
pray
spend time outside

So far so good.

Still breathing. ;)

Slice of Life: Day 25--"The Annual 'I Am' Poem"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

**I used to do this every year with my 6th graders. Their honesty and vulnerability at that age always touched me. This will be my eighth "I Am" poem and every year it is different.**

I am a dreamer and a realist.
I wonder why this pandemic is happening. I'm filled with questions.
I see the sun shine, warming my skin and my soul.
I hear the chirping of birds, returning to town, and want to hug them.
I want to pay off all my debt and be done with it. It wearies me.
I am a dreamer and a realist.

I pretend that I don't have a comment about everything, when in fact, my opinions are many.
I feel tired sometimes of keeping the facade up. Where is the safe space to be real?
I touch the cool, damp earth as I prepare my garden for seeds.
I feel so thankful to have a few days this spring to soak up the sun and the warmth and savor the weather as it turns.
I cry when I pray.
I am a dreamer and a realist.

I understand that this pandemic is going to pass, but I wonder when.
I say (still) that the best days are yet to come.
I dream of too many things to list...they are like prayers written on my heart that I breathe out with every breath.
I try to do my part, to make a difference, to change the world.
I hope my trying works a little.
I am a dreamer and a realist.

Slice of Life: Day 24--"An Acrostic: Stuck"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

Stuck inside school working or house choring
Today seemed like it flew by, nonetheless
Ultimately a day not wasted, but that felt like something was missing...
Connections! Oh, friends, family, and students, how I miss you.
Keeping time until we are together again....and unSTUCK!

Slice of Life: Day 23--"Is Anyone Else's Clock Totally Messed Up??"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

Ugh.

Y'all.

I've got sleep issues.

Despite the schedule, the bedtime, the reduction in anxiety, Spring Break, daily exercise, prayer, staying busy, getting outside, productive time each day...

I just can't find my day-night stride. It's like sometimes the day is just one long year, and other times it's like a flash of lightning.

The hours crawl and fly without me knowing which is coming next.

Is this how it's going to be for the next 6 weeks?

I can't live like this.

If this is what retirement is like, I want to work forever.

Y'all.

UGH.

Slice of Life: Day 22--"Lunch with a Friend"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

My roommate and I are both teachers, so you can imagine the intense amount of screen time we've both been accruing the last few weeks. As life has shifted online, we find that screens are our only way to do so many things. As an extrovert, I hate it. As an introvert, she's handling it better.

Today, though, we sat down and had lunch together. We realized that our 3-5 nights/week "dinners" (albeit cooked separately and different) had reduced to a big zero the past week or so.

It was nice to talk and eat and not worry for a little while. It's taken a toll on both of us in different ways. We made a plan for the next week....a little schedule for Spring Break that included lunch together each day.

I think it will be good us to put our screens away, focus on talking, and relax....away from work, away from the news,  away from life.

There aren't many distractions from life right now, despite the fact that life has basically been reduced to a list of distractions. I find that my lack of interaction with people is really affecting me, much more than I'd anticipated.

But for an hour or so each day, we're doing lunch. And for now, that plan gives me space to breathe.

Slice of Life: Day 21--"A Quiet Saturday Poem"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

Today Saturday crept in

On little cat's feet

Awoke for a few hours

And is on it's way back out again.


This first Saturday of Spring Break

Doesn't really feel like any day

It's defined by a calendar

Not by what I did, really.


This Spring Break is much different

It comes with an extra month attached to it

Not of break time, but of isolation

It's quiet this Saturday, and I'd rather it not be.


Normally, quiet Saturdays refresh me

But this one didn't so much

I feel I'm in an endless march of quiet days

One after another, for as long as I can see


I'll be glad when Saturdays are loud again

When Saturdays feel busy

When Saturdays are full

And quiet Saturdays are sweet again.

Slice of Life: Day 20--"Thoughts after a Week of Quarantine"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

Today was our one week mark of quarantine. It's officially been 7 days of this new norm, and I thought it was worth recording some observations and noticings...

-I've only left the house 3 or 4 times, I think. Two grocery store visits, a pharmacy run, and a trip to the hardware store to buy some supplies to garden this spring.

-It's been hard to work from home, but I've adjusted. I've found that making a schedule each night for the next day has been my saving grace. Even if I don't keep it exactly, I find the structure makes the day more productive and rewarding.

-I miss my students. BIG. It's hard to be separated from everyone and I feel that most with my students. I can call and talk to family and friends, but it's killing me to not have that with my kiddos.

-I've adjusted to this new norm (to some extent) much quicker than I thought I would. I walk the dog in the morning and sit outside to drink my coffee. Tonight I sat on the front porch and shivered in the night air just because I wanted to.

-I've found some creative ways to find meaning seperated from others. I'm starting to do online Zoom Bible studies with ladies at church, and while it feels weird and different from face-to-face time, it's also my favorite thing I've added to life since quarantine. Last night, as we all looked at each other and chatted after the study, I looked at one lady and tears were coming down her face. "I've missed you all so much," she choked out. It was heartbreaking. It's hurting us all to be apart.

-Connections are making all the difference. I'm intentionally making sure that, as an extrovert who craves human interaction, I am super careful to not go to long without talking to someone. I call people, I do zoom meetings, I email, I blog, I tweet, I facebook....all the things that make me feel like I'm connecting. And, it's working somehow. I get to the end of the day, and I feel so thankful for all the wonderful people in my life.

-I'm still a little scared. I feel like I'm not ready for what's coming because I don't know what's coming. I'm afraid for my parents and my family who are all far away. I'm a little afraid of things getting "out of hand"---whatever that means. It's the unknowns.

-I've put some thought into what life might be like after this. Will hugs come easy or a little tentatively? What scars will we carry? What things have our children internalized? How will this affect life going forward....will this be a moment in time like 9/11? One of those before and after defining moments, or a blip on a radars in a decade where we all look back and laugh, kind of like Y2K? I think maybe somewhere in the middle...but I have no idea at all.

-I'd like to say that this all feels comfortable, but I think I'm a little ways from that. I try to avoid these thoughts most of the time and take it one day at a time. It's all I know to do. Breathe. Trust. Focus on the good. Prepare how I know how. Do my job and love my students. And then breathe, again.

It's going to be okay.

Slice of Life: Day 19--"Today I Almost Stole a Daffodil--Part 2"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

Read Part 1 of the daffodil story here, if you'd like to! :)

Short story: I was so close to picking the forsaken daffodil from the empty school lot today, but my roommate used her teacher voice and told I was going to be fined. I didn't get to take it home today, but all our schools closed until May 1st, so maybe tomorrow?

A poem based on "This is Just to Say" by William Carlos Williams--read it here, if you haven't! It's a classic.

"This is Just to Say"

I have picked
the daffodils
that were in
the flower bed.

and which
you were probably
saving
for the children

Forgive me
they were so beautiful
so bright
and so cheerful

**No, I didn't pick them, but I thought this poem was the perfect fit for how I was feeling....and my possible legal defense in the future...? ;)

Slice of Life: Day 18--"Online PD that Made My Heart Happy"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

Today we had online, remote PD in my District.

It was excellent material. Engaging, interesting, and useful.

But, mostly...I "left" smiling because I got to see the smiles of some familiar faces. We come together once a month, and this month was no different.

Some things don't change, and I'm so very thankful. We smiled, laughed, and waved at each other. Kids cuddled up by parents to listen to a session about how to teach reading more effectively. I felt like we were together, even though we were all in our homes.

Today it was PD that allowed me to feel a sense of normal, even though my dog fought me for screen time and couch space.

It made me feel like it's going to be okay.

Slice of Life: Day 17---"Today I Almost Stole a Daffodil"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

Today I almost stole a daffodil. I don't think I've ever stolen anything, so this is big.

I could use some moral guidance on this issue, actually. so please help me out.

My roommate and I took the dog for a walk today to get out of the house in between our online learning "office hours".

There's a school across the street from my house,  so I like walking around their grounds when they are out of session...usually afternoons, but now with our quarantine, it's everyday.

One of my favorite flowers are daffodils, and I was too lazy to plant them this fall in MY yard, so I've been admiring the appearance of them in other people's yards. (admiring, not planning a heist, I promise!).

But today was different. I saw the flowers in the school's yard. I smelled them. They were blooming and gorgeous and I just felt that they needed me and I needed them.

We connected.

My roommate had different ideas.

Me: I want that flower and no one is going to even enjoy it with school out. I think I should pick them.
Her: They have cameras. They'll know it was you.
Me: Do you know sign language?
Her: Some.
Me: Can you tell them that I just think they are beautiful and I am taking them home to a place they will be loved.
Her: Umm. Maybe a little bit of that.
Me: Okay. Work on it. Tomorrow I might need to rescue these daffodils from this quarantined school and take them home.
Her: I probably won't do that.
Me: Okay, fine. I might risk jail time to take that poor flower home.

So, here's the moral question: Does a daffodil deserve to die without being admired? Will they check the cameras in two months and call the police? Or, as I suspect, will no blame me for wanting a little ray of sunshine in my house during a worldwide pandemic?

HELP.

Slice of Life: Day 16--"Halfway There, but Hoping for More..."

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

As we pass the halfway mark for March, Slice of Life feels even more of a need as the days go by. I appreciated what Stacey said this morning in her blog about renaming "social distancing" to "physical distancing." I concur.

Let's, please, still find ways to be social.

Throughout the crisis, I've read your stories and sent my own thoughts out into the world via SOL20. As we look at extended closures past March, I wonder how I'll feel when it's over.

This year Slicing is different.

Normally, at this time I feel...

pressed for time
anxious about testing
like I'm having to really try for ideas to blog about
like I can't balance work and life

This year I feel...

not pressed for time
not as worried about balance (remote learning is hard, but not as hard physically so far--even subtract my commute and I gain an hour or more a day)
worried about the health of my kids, not test scores
a mental and emotional need to write everyday
a craving for more sharing, more connections, more writing

I'm a natural extrovert, so to say this community has been a lifeline is far beyond an understatement. This year instead of counting days in an "I can do this way", I'm counting days in a "Please don't end way."

I am finding myself writing more about my internal dialogue, as my social experiences become extremely limited.

Today isn't really a story, more a reflection on the greater story I'm living...that so many of us are living.

Unsure and uncertain, I press on.

We press on together.

I'm so glad we're here together.

Slice of Life: Day 15--"A Sunday Stroll that Felt Wonderful and a Few Other Ramblings"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

This is certainly not anything exciting, but today I took a Sunday walk with my dog. I strolled, moseyed, noticed, observed, processed, soaked up the sun, and pondered how this could be part of my life for the next 3+ weeks.

It felt weird. And wonderful. I can't remember the last time we had time to do that. Sad, right?

I'd never in a million years wish this crisis upon our world and our communities, but the thought of slowing down for awhile feels, well...pretty good. I didn't know how fast we were going until it all stopped.

It feels a little like getting off a moving walkway; the sudden halt is a bit of shock as you transition back into a normal walk.

I'm finding myself reprioritizing.

The next 3 weeks can be about the things that matter to me. What's even stranger than finding 3 weeks basically empty...I'm finding myself discovering that so much of my life has been so full of "have-tos" that I have very few "want-tos" left.

I am fascinated by this discovery. I didn't know that I'd eliminated so many hobbies to just keep it all going. Just to keep up.

It's going to be an interesting few weeks as I rediscover the things I love to do, find new loves, and just enjoy the new normal.

At least this is how I envision the next 3 weeks. As the situation develops, I know things will get more serious. I know some people will live the worst. I pray that we overcome by following the directions of our leadership and that our leadership makes wise decisions.

I wish it wasn't happening, but I'm searching for a silver lining.

And right now, like so many of you, I'm finding my new rhythm. Still not sure what that looks like, but here's hoping it involves many moseying strolls with my dog and many moments of connections that might look different, but are still meaningful.

Hugs to all.

Slice of Life: Day 14--"Hobby Lobby Self Care"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

I've been struggling, like a lot of people, with adapting to this new normal. Unstructured days. Things to do, but flexible timelines. And, I'll admit, a (maybe) unhealthy amount of fear. I haven't been able to distract myself from the constant news updates, school updates, church updates, and other updates that feel irresponsible to ignore, but are so mentally draining.

I've felt like I've been on a balance beam in that moment right before you fall off and you're trying frantically, arms out, wobbling, to stay on the beam...

And so I did something I never do, because I never have the extra time or money.

I went to Hobby Lobby with $40 and not a clue what I was going to buy. One rule: that it must distract me.

I spent 39.75.

I got a macrame kit that makes a plant hanger.

A step-by-step calligraphy book and some new pens.

Some yarn and a crochet hook.

It may not sound like much, but the new calligraphy book and pens just provided me with the most mentally and physically restful moments of the past week. As I consumed my mind in learning something new, it reminded me how important incorporating things this like this into my new routines over the next 3+ weeks will be.

I'm going to continue this challenge for myself. I may not be hoarding toilet paper, like some, but I'm going to hoard some new skills and experiences. They may have to be inside the walls of my home, but it's going to be okay!

It's going to be okay.

Slice of Life: Day 13--"An Encouraging Trip to Kroger"

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

I had to do my normal grocery shopping at Kroger today or tomorrow and I was DREADING IT, especially after the posts last night. I went this morning.

Instead of rudeness and panic....I encountered hardworking people who were restocking shelves with smiles, customers that were patient and kind to one another, and just a general sense of calm. I thanked every one of the employees I passed for their hard work. I called the store afterwards and thanked the manager for her employees and their attitudes, especially after the crazy days they must have had. She got choked up.

Let’s be kind, friends. Let’s encourage each other. Build people up. Pray for each other. Everyone needs it!

It’s a a little scary and uncertain out there, but so often the the best in people comes out in the worst of times. I’ve seen it a 1000 times, and I saw it again this morning. I’m thankful I went to Kroger this morning—it filled me with HOPE!

Slice of Life: Day 12---"I literally can't slice my life another way today."

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

I've tried, and there's just no other way to slice this day.

It's all about the coronavirus here in my city.

I know it's everywhere and everyone is freaked out, but I don't think I've seen this level of freaked out by the public since...well, I can't remember. I really can't remember.

My whole life is affected, like so many others.

Remote learning.
Online office hours.
Church.
No gatherings over 250.
Police are summoning people, not making arrests.
Remote doctor's visits.
Cancelled Spring Break trips.

I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow morning to avoid the crazy...I hope. Going tonight felt scary.

I can't make sense of this today, and I think that, in reality, it will not be as bad as we think, but still...it feels big NOW.

I should also say that, truly, I respect and appreciate the precautions. I hope people take them seriously and stay safe and take care of others. I hope that this crisis brings out the kind and gentle side of people, not the worst.

I wonder, too, how I'll slice 19 days of home...anyone want to hear about me painting the baseboards?

Didn't think so. ;)

Better baseboards than the worst, though, thank God.

Slice of Life: Day 11--"Sick. Not that kind. But still sick."

This month I am participating in the Slice of Life challenge sponsored by the Two Writing Teachers website and blog. Join me!

Throat throbbing

Muscles aching

Nose dripping

Cough hacking

Chest burning

Cold medicine flowing

Fever is up

Energy is down

I want to crawl into bed

And stay there until my real body returns.

It's not THAT virus, but it's a doozy.